NFRERESSURECTED is a generally disliked user from the Poll of the Day message board but moved to check out board 8.
GameFAQs History Edit
NF has been at GameFAQs for three years, starting when he was eleven years old. His original account, nintendofanatic, survived the test of time until he turned 13, when, ironically, people started to suspect him of being underage. He suicided his original nintendofanatic account with censor bypasses, and was widely considered to be one of the worst suicdes in PotD history. He returned later as NF_RESSURECTED, an account he made hastily, which can be proved by his misspelling of "resurrected". The spelling error haunts him to this day. He accidentally banned his own account, and made a new account, his latest one, NFRERESSURECTED.
Board 8 History Edit
NF came to board 8 originally to spam, but enjoyed it enough not to keep it up for very long. He started by posting topics about him "commiting suicide" in new and different ways, and someone had to post in thirty seconds to save him. Two out of three times, someone came to his rescue in time.
NF is a huge supporter of Jay Solano.
New Super Mario Brothers Review Edit
NF wrote a 1750 word review on New Super Mario Brothers, bashing things that didn't really even deserve bashing. It was written in two hours, and was posted about twenty minutes later on Board 8. Here is the review in it's entirety.
WARNING: GIANT HUNK OF TEXT HERE.
Wow. This game is worse than the original. Wait. The original was the greatest thing since sliced bread. It saved gaming in the US. This...THING doesn't even deserve to have the wondrous grace of the Mario name. This is like freaking Superman 64 bad here. It's like a flesh wound to the DS, except people think it's good and buy it by the millions, but I see past Nintendo's pathetic scams. It's so strange, I used to love Nintendo. They always put out fun games to play, affordable products, and innovation. Then I turned twelve. Fast forward two more years, and I still like Nintendo, they've just been disappointing me more and more as time goes on.
Well, lets start off with the first thing that comes to my mind, the story. From the last time I read the review rules, it said no spoiling anything past the first five minutes. Nintendo managed to cram the whole story in the first five minutes. Not even. More like 30 seconds of crapulence. You see Mario, with that lame walk that he's been cursed with from that last accursed piece of crap, Super Mario Sunshine, where he has his arms outstretched, swinging them around like a five year old thinking he's an airplane, and leaning forward so the princess can see his luscious, fat plumber buttcrack of his. The princess follows him. Then some crap explodes, I don't know, but it's lame, and the couple use their extensive Nintendo funded voice acting of "GASP!" here. Seriously, it's 2 freakin'-006 Nintendo. Has it ever crossed your mind to give the lead role of the game at least one word to say besides, "ITTSA MARRIO ROFLCOPTER", or the famous Legend of Zelda voice acting, "Uggh." "Guh." "CHEAAAHD!!" Decent voice acting adds to the experience. Wow, let's get back on track. So Mario, leaving the princess unattended, decides to go over and see what the commotion is about, when, to his and our surprising dismay, one of Bowser's sissy little sons does an elephant walk behind Princess Peach and kidnaps her. Seriously, Mario has been through this enough times that he should know better to TAKE THE PRINCESS IF HE'S GOING TO CHECK SOMETHING OUT. But what can you expect from a plumber with a ninth grade education and a 0.3 GPA? Nice role model, Nintendo. The story just repeats what other Mario games have told time after time after time. It was kinda interesting the first forty-seven times, but it isn't interesting now.
Yes. I hate this game. Absolutely loathe it. But the one good thing it has going is the graphics. They're pretty. Mario looks about as good as he did on the GameCube, which is quite excellent for the system. Pretty much everything about this game's graphics is nice. I love these graphics. They need to use them, however, on a game that doesn't suck.
Okay, seriously, whose idea was it to just take all of the music from Super Mario Bros., tune it up a tiny bit and barf it back into this game? I would fire that guy immediately, take him out back to an alleyway, and shoot him. Several times. In the leg. I would then proceed to throw him to the street and hope he gets run over by a car. Also, whose great idea was it to just regurgitate the same voice acting from that crapfest Super Mario 64 (clunky controls + tight platforms + lame graphics= 1/10)? Repeat the same process (I then proceeded to check the instruction manual for the credits, but I found none. I also checked the game for accessable credits at any time, and still found none. COINCIDENCE? I think not). The sound's only saving grace is the sound effects, while, even though they are fairly old, tuning up those sound effects would be a lot harder than tuning up the music and changing up the voice acting.
This game uses the same formula as the game it's based off of, the good Super Mario Bros., but instead of leaving it completely the same, they added lame, uncool features that sometimes aren't a help to the game, but they actually made it harder. So let's start with the main meat of this, the sidescrolling part. Basically what Nintendo did was take the aged controls of Super Mario Bros. (which were acceptable at the time) and put them in this steaming pile of Sith. You see, the game was good back then, but the problem with the game here is mainly the controls. Mario jumps at ninteen times his height, except when and where he lands is nearly out of control. If he lands right next to the edge, he'll still die because either:
1. He'll bump into one of those dumbass Goombas.
2. The traction will send him sliding into the pit.
3. Because this game is rigged.
Next, let's talk about powerups. Now the only ones I experienced were MEGA GIANT UBER MARIO, Shell Mario, kinda big Mario, and Flames Mario. There's probably more, but I avoided further power "ups" because they just dragged me down and were just plain stupid. MEGA GIANT MARIO is possibly the coolest power up in this game, hence the reason that the score of this game is .3 over 0. Everyone's seen this. He turns UBER MASSIVE and starts to leave a warpath of Goombas, bricks, and those God damned Koopa Troopas. I have a warm, tingly feeling when that happens. Then we get to the less fun power ups. We have kinda big Mario. This is a classic in the Mario sidescroller games, eat a mushroom, grow three feet. Except have a measly little Goomba touch him, and it's back to thumb Mario. Next we have Shell Mario, which is the most useless piece of crap I've used in my life. Think of this: You're running. You turn into one of those Koopa shells, turning everything into fried Goomba soup and Koopa Troopa medley. Then you reach a gap. You jump, and you should be able to make it across. Instead, you just bounce around the pit for a second, then you die. That was my fifteen second experience with the shell, and I'm sure that if you've already played the game and have used the shell, you've had quite a similar one. Finally, there's the flame Mario, or the one that shoots fireballs out of his hands. This is one of my biggest gripes with this game. WHAT IS THE POINT OF FIREBALLS IF THE SAME BUTTON USED TO SHOOT THEM IS USED TO RUN?! Seriously, you spend the whole freaking game running, and then when you get this stupid ass power up, you get to shoot like one fireball for the whole level, and then it's off to running running and more running. Nice use of those shoulder buttons, Nintendo. And then there's the special moves you can do at any time, in any stage, when I tried to tell a friend about it, I ended up smashing his printer in with a baseball bat, so I'm not even going to touch that.
Use of Touch Screen: -12/10
Okay, Nintendo. You made this touch screen. You said it would revolutionize the way we play handheld games. Wait, what's that? IT'S USED TO DO SOME ITEM CRAP AND TO SHOW STATS?! WELL GEE SINTENDO, THAT'S REAL ORIGINAL. Ironic how the main feature of the system is hardly utilized here, except in those crappy minigames. "1. Sort the Bo-Bombs." "2. Shoot the spiked balls into the shells." "3. Rub a snowball onto a snowman for a head." Hmm. Real life alternatives: 1. Why not just sort mixed colored paper, or Pokemon cards? At least they won't blow up in my face. 2. It's also called basketball. 3. I live in freaking Alaska, so I'll just take a bunch of snow, put this game in the center, make a snowball, and throw it at a truck moving at 75 miles per hour. More entertaining. My closing for this is simply a message to Nintendo. Use your own features for God's sake.
Difficulty: WHAT THE HELL?!/10
The original Super Mario Bros. had a real challenge to it, right? It was fun, but fun came with a price: a man's dignity. Talk about a polar opposite. This hunk of whatever belongs in the bargain bins of easy street. Seriously, I've never played a more easy piece of crap than this piece of poorly coded plastic. To give an idea of this game's "difficulty", this one requires a bit of movement. Find a large structure. Take a baseball bat. Hit the structure with the baseball bat. Playing this game is just like that, just with less physical force exerted. Except hitting things with a baseball bat is pretty fun sometimes.
Buy or Rent?
I'm going to have to bring in the third, less known option: burn. Keep this away from your relatives, your friends, your classmates, anyone that you like. If you don't like someone, get them this game.
So let's go over everything:
Story: -36/10- FAIL
Graphics: 10/10- PASS
Sound: 3/10- FAIL
Gameplay: 0.3/10- FAIL
Replayability: No/10- FAIL
Use of Touch Screen: -12/10- FAIL
Difficulty: WHAT THE HELL/10- FAIL
Buy or Rent?: Burn.
Average score: -6.94
Closest Score on GameFAQs rankings: 1/10
I don't even want to do an outro for this. This review took a lot of straining and muscle spasms and cramps to write, because I was remembering the miserable moments of this game. But if you've learned anything here, it's that there are far superior games on this system, on another Psystem, on any system for that matter. Just don't get it.