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Intro SongEdit

We've been on the run

Posting in the sun.

Looking out for contest fun.

GameFAQs here we come.

Right back where we started from.


Ertyu's draws tornadoman


Aga got the ban

GameFAQs here we come

Right back where we started from

-Smurf

Episode 1: PilotEdit

It can be tough being the new guy in a new, foreign place. Growing up in the mean streets of Malibu, I thought I had seen it all. Little did I know that I had hardly learned to live at all.


Shelley: Steve, why did we have to move again?


Steve was my brother. ...And father, and mother. Somehow, all at the same time. And we were expecting a new baby sister in a month.


leadrboardsteve: The same reason we're saying our names then "colon" before we say anything. The script calls for it.


"Shelley colon. But Steve, it just doesn't make sense!" Alex Shelley argued, stamping his foot and dropping the box he was carrying. The sound of glass shattering rang out, but he didn't care. He was the new guy in a new, foreign place. He had thought he had seen it all, but little did he know that he had hardly learned to live at all. It was a cause for alarm.


"leadrboardsteve colon. Dad got a new job, bro. Get used to it. Why, I've had to move eighteen times before you were born for the same reason!"


"...We're twins, Steve."


"You forgot Shelley col-..."


"Forget the colons! This is a problem! I just turned 18 for the second time in my life and I'm the new guy in a new, foreign place who thought he had seen it all but little did I know that I had hardly learned to..."


At this point, Steve did what he did best. He pretended to call himself into the bedroom for some hot, steamy parental sex. This was my cue to get out of the house and quick. Besides, I guessed that it wouldn't hurt to go explore the town... Meet some new friends, enemies, black people, rebels, goths, angry teachers, somebody who I'll only see once every ten days... The norm.


I had to get started somewhere. I had a new life to start... A new life in........... The B8.


I'm Alex Shelley. The new guy.


And I like narrating things.


And butts and butts and butts.


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


The B8 was a strange place... A place where everybody seemed just a little off. Walking through town, I took the time to take in my surroundings. It all seemed foreign to me, because I was the new guy who thought he had seen it all, but I figured I could get used to it with time.


"And number 1... Is Ed Bellis!"


"Oh, shut up! I did not stay up all night for you to feed your own ego! What the crunk?!"


Street performers listing "Top 50" lists, people interrupting each other with Fresh Prince lyrics... I didn't know what to make of this strange place. I didn't know if I'd ever fit in. I didn't know if I'd ever have a buddy, a pal, a best friend of mine.


"Hey buddy, hey pal! Hey best friend of mine!"


Shelley turned, confused at the voice interrupting his narration. There stood a man looking to be about 36, yet obviously Shelley's exact age of 18. Shelley raised a curious eyebrow, not sure what to make of him.


"...What?"


"Don't you recognize me? Your best friend, Poot!" the "boy" proclaimed, jabbing himself in the chest with his thumbs. Shelley raised his other eyebrow, forgetting to lower the first one and now looking too surprised.


"...What?"


"That's right! I'm your key to the B8, remember? I know everybody, all the hot spots, and how to make it!"


"...What?"


I had a feeling that there had been more time between scenes, yet to please network execs, things had been cut out. I rolled with it, because that's what I did. Roll. Hobos, specifically.


"...What?"


Poot frowned, shaking his head.


"Oh, come on. Stop playing, man!"


Shelley just shrugged, playing along. Poot began to point to random people as they walked.


"That's War. He's hilarious. And that's Criona. And that? Well... Stay away from them."


Shelley looked to where Poot was pointing. Two guys were headed their way.


I looked to where he was pointing. Two guys were headed my way. ...And Poot's. But mostly mine, because this is my damn story.


"Well, well, well... What do we have here?" One of the guys asked, clicking his tongue obnoxiously. He ran a hand through his hair, dropping a few hundred dollar bills. "Whoops! How clumsy of me!"


"...Are you trying to show off that you're rich?" Shelley asked, eyeing the money.


"Are you trying to show off that you're not?!" The guy shot back, coughing a bit, then spitting out a few Benjamins. The guy next to him laughed, raising his hand.


"Put in His Place Five!"


Somehow, the high five never made it, as a boy ran by, intercepting it without a word, then running off. The two stared after him, then shrugged, the first guy picking a few twenties out of his teeth.


"You must be the new guy. The name's Smurf. And this awesome in human form? He's The SEP. I run this town... Though not really. That's just a way of saying that I'm hot stuff and you're not."


The SEP nodded eagerly.


"Yeah! So just stay out of his way and... Be new, Mr. Newy McNewGuy!"


The two laughed. Poot cowered behind Shelley, who simply blunk.


"Okay."


Smurf stepped closer, poking Shelley hard in the chest.


"I don't like your tone. Do you know who you're messing with? ...I'm Smurf. I'm a big deal. And The SEP? He's captain of the football team, the baseball team's MVP, the entire soccer team, lacrosse captain, track star, president of the sewing club... The list goes on. Are you... Scared?"


Shelley blunk again, because blunking seemed to be the thing to do. ...Blinking. Blunking. ...Bliunking.


"Uh... Sure."


Smurf stared him down for a second, then seemed satisfied.


"Don't mess with me, Holmes."


He walked past the two, not looking back. The SEP followed, looking as if to take a punch at Poot, then stopping short and laughing.


"Flinch Five!"


...Again, it was intercepted. The SEP frowned, confused.


"...Who the hell is that?"


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


Episode 2: RebelEdit

Apparently, this was the portion of my new life where I learned that not everything was about me. I'm not sure if I'm sleeping or what, but this appears to be the part of my life where I narrate the lives of others that have had less screen time than me, without actually appearing until somewhere near the end. How I even know enough about them to say anything, I don't know... But I just do. You always will in this situation. It just... Happens.


"Ah, yes! I new an-...AUGH! FLAGGITY FLIVADITY BURFAP!"


Jaws continued shouting his gibberish, but it had no effect on Blur. He just continued walking, checking his jacket sleeve for any sign of the foreign kid he had just smashed into the wall in passing. The jacket was leather, matching the Rebellion Teen Magazine July issue's code perfectly. He also wore sunglasses, a bandana, and had just the right of stubble on his face... A stubble that would never need to be shaven, for it would not grow.


"Son, go back and apologize to that kid!"


Blur just laughed, tossing his toothpick at the old man that passed, producing another out of his mouth to replace it.


"Hey, go say you're sorry to that old man!"


Another toothpick toss, and another replacement.


"Go help her up!"


And again.


"Stop being too cool for school! You may have had a hard life growing up, but that does not make you above the law, young man! No matter how rebellious you are with your chains and you cigarettes, and how you drive the girls completely wild with your cutthroat nature and total disregard for the rules! Maybe people look up to you because of your risky lifestyle and Harley riding antics, but it won't get you anywhere in life! It will only make sure that nobody ever messes with you, and that you get your choice of women! And employers turning you down for a job? Forget it! They'll all hire you on the spot out of fear! But you won't get far! No you won't! Not even because you can avoid being hurt because of your hard exterior which is obviously hiding a secret that, when discovered, will reveal that you're more human than the rest of us, an-..."


TOOTHPICK!


Yeah, life was great.


Blur continued walking, finally meeting up with his posse in front of their usual, hardcore hangout.


Friday's.


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


I'll take the nacho party platter."


"I'll take her nacho party platter."


"...How does that even make sense?"


"How does you touching my penor make sense?"


Sess and Fanatic... an interesting pair. They were a rather feared duo, mainly because of their connection to that rebellious rebel, Blur. But also because of the way they worked. Fanatic dealed, and he never took no for an answer. He had sucessfully sold drugs to everybody in B8 High. And their parents. And the faculty. And the Clinton administration. He was good... Damn good. And Sess? Well, if they tried to deny Fanatic, he'd trick them with one shocking display of brilliance.


He'd double-negative them by asking them if they'd not not like to touch his penor. Needless to say, it always ended in a positive transaction for Fanatic. ...Or a "positive" transaction for Sess, but nobody ever goes into that.


"Would you two shut the hell up?!" Blur asked, slamming his fist on the table. The entire restaurant went quiet, for Blur was that much of a badass rebel that they didn't want him to rebel against them at that very moment. He looked around, nodding for them all to continue their meals.


"Seriously. I can't complete my Satanic rituals if you two are arguing about nachos." Piped up Basch, who was busy carving a smiley face into the tabletop. Sess glanced over, smirking.


"Hey, Basch. Know what ritual you can complete? Touching my penor."


"Dude, Basch is a guy!"


"...No."


Sess and Fanatic went back to arguing, Basch rolling his eyes before pricking his finger, outlining the smiley face in blood droplets.


"So, Basch... Trying to summon Satan again?" Blue asked, feigning interest. Basch shook his head, humming and rocking back and fourth.


"I'm making a voodoo doll of the Wal-Mart mascot. They've rolled back prices for long enough. Now they will hail their new leader!"


Blur sighed, wondering if he should rebel against his friends at that very moment. Luckily the nachos came, settling everybody down.


"That nacho looks like my peno-..."


"SHUTUP!"


For approximately three seconds.


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


Aeon was popular. So damn popular... That everybody wanted to be with her. Except people that didn't.


As she walked into Friday's that night, Blur took notice. She was... Popular. Popular enough to be tainted by him. Tainted so that when she walked into school, people would say "Whoa, she's tainted." Because that's what Blur did to people who weren't as rebellious as he was. He tainted them.


Meanwhile, Fanatic had taken great interest in Aeon's friend. Ginger was popular, though only popular enough to be the popular girl's best friend. On a popular scale, Aeon was a 10/10 to Ginger's 8.8... But that's still pretty damn good. Ginger's only problem was that she liked to drink. A lot. But that made her easy. ...Or it just further affected her Tourette's.


Basch was too busy setting flame to a living hamster to notice anybody.


And Sess? Well...


"Hey nacho... Want to touch my penor?"


But Aeon... Something about her made Blur want her. Badly. He wanted to show her his wild streak. He wanted to take her on wild motorcycle rides in the deep of night, scaring her parents and making the town further put him on alert for his total disregard for curfew and other rules. He had to have that happen... And he would. He would if it was the last thing he did.


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


There were some interesting characters in the B8... That's for sure. And though I had only run into a few of them, I... Oddly knew about a few more. Regardless, I knew that it'd take some time to get used to this town... And for this town to get used to me.


"...Who the hell is talking?!"


And my voice, apparently.

Episode 3: FriendsEdit

Somtimes you discover that just when it seems like things are holding you down, they're really just getting you ready for something better. I thought that moving to a new place would be difficult... And it was, sure, but I had a feeling that everything was going to take a turn toward a high note. I already had a friend, I had met a few people, and somehow learned the whole life of somebody I hadn't even seen before. Now, I wasn't going to count myself out. I held all the cards.


Actually, I held five of two of them. Two-Seven offsuit... Me thinks it's time for an all-in!


The doorbell to the Shelley house rang, stirring him from his slumber. Checking the time and seeing that it was 3 in the afternoon, a less than acceptable time to be in pajamas, Shelley quickly threw on some clothes, rushing down the stairs and opening the door.


"He-... Are those swim trunks?"


Apparently, he had simply thrown the trunks over his Bananas in Pajamas pajamas. Oh, those silly bananas, smiling and waving for all to see. ...All as in the girl standing at his door.


"Er, yeah. It's the style where I come from." Shelley quickly replied, looking up at her for the first time. She had light brown hair and a pretty smile, a look that you'd almost describe as... The girl next door. But really, she lived two doors down. Ha! Eat it!


Regardless, it was Inviso, the girl he had seen the day before. She was attractive, yet quirky in a 'I wouldn't date you but I'd totally be your friend, ignoring the fact that you're madly in love with me as I constantly push you aside in my quest for hotter women, before I finally acknowledge your love after getting shot down by others numerous times, but it's an awkward relationship because we're not sure what to do because we've been friends for so long, and we fear that one wrong move could end that friendship" sort of way. You know the type. They're everywhere.


"Yeah, I saw you moved in the other day, figured I'd say Hi." Inviso said, flashing that nice, yet easily ignorable for atleast three seasons smile. Shelley thought for a moment, then nodded.


"Hey. I saw you yesterday, I think. Well, from afar."


"No, that was Blitz. Apparently, people can't stop staring at him." Inviso replied, shrugging.


"...Oh."


"In fact, you're looking over my shoulder at him right now."


"Dammit!"


Shelley quickly shook his head, turning his attention to her.


"Well, uh... Want to go for a walk or something? Maybe you could show me around town."


Inviso nodded, though seemed confused.


"Sure, but... Didn't Poot show you around yesterday?" She asked, getting a confused look from Shelley.


"Poot? ...You mean the one I was staring at?"


"No, that was Blitz. And is, again."


"...Dammit!"


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


"Well, well, well... If it isn't Real."


"That's real, actually."


"...Yeah? Well, we're going to capitalize your name, anyway!"


"Proper English Five!"


Smurf and The SEP stood over real, laughing as they went for their high five, now used to the interception that occurred. Shrugging it off, they went back to what they liked to do best: Picking on people less awesome. Which was just about everybody.


"So, real... Or should I say... Real! Just say it. Say it so I can tell everybody on a worldwide newscast, because my father owns just such a channel and I have easy access to it." Smurf said, earning thirty-two thousand dollars per breath. real just shook his head.


"I don't know what you're talking about."


"The hell you do! You're wearing jeans!" The SEP quickly came back with, mocking laughter and all. Smurf frowned, slapping him upside the head.


"We wear jeans, idiot."


The SEP thought for a second, then nodded.


"Oh, right. Well... Then... You're wearing a pastel shirt and a white sports jacket, dude!" The SEP said, sneering at real. real stumbled over his words, thinking quickly.


"Oh yeah?! Well... Miami Vice is coming back! You'll see!"


Smurf and The SEP laughed. Just then, an unnamed authority figure walked by, quickly causing the three to run in opposite directions. Funny how that works.


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


"So, you have a boyfriend? Not that I care or anything, because we just met. In fact, something tells me I wouldn't care until atleast January of '09."


Inviso shook her head, sighing at the question.


"I... Had a boyfriend. Everybody called him Redtooth."


"Why, because he was always drinking red Kool-Aid, or eating tomatoes?" Shelley asked, laughing lightly. Inviso stared at him, seeming not getting it.


"...No. He had a gum infection and was constantly bleeding from the mouth. Kind of sick, actually, but I loved him..."


"...Ew."


"Yeah. He's dead, now."


"...Ew."


"I miss him a lot..."


"...Ew."


"That wasn't even gross in the slightest!"


Shelley thought quickly, trying to change the subject.


"How'd he die?"


Or not.


"He was an ostrich farmer. One day, there was a stampede, and..." Inviso went quiet. Shelley figured he'd venture a guess.


"Trampled?"


Inviso shook her head again.


"No. The ostriches knocked over a lantern, though, setting the whole field ablaze."


"Burned to death?"


"No. A helicopter was there in time to drop sand on it and put it out, but...


"...Buried alive?"


"No, no. He was able to get out of the sand. But then, a drunk driver, and..."


"Run down?"


"Nah. Five years later he died from his gum infection."


Shelley nodded slowly, trying to take it all in.


"Well, look... Inviso... I'm here for you. Purely as a friend, because I don't feel any attraction to you at all. That'd be weird at this stage, and we need atleast several more months for our friendship to develop into a strong bond first that never really goes anywhere for another several months."


"...Okay."


"Yeah. Okay indeed."


The two continued their walk in silence for a few moments. Finally, Shelley gathered up the courage to say what was on his mind. He turned, taking a deep breath.


"...You're beautiful, though."


Blitz stared at him, blinking.


"Nothing's beautiful about a tortured soul."


And he took off. Because he was like that. And just as fast as Blitz had gone, another guy had come, jogging in place as he stopped near them.


"Hey, 'Vis! And... New guy."


Inviso smiled, waving.


"Hey! Shelley, this is Lightning. He's one of the greatest, most kind, hilarious, brave, and just overall amazing people ever."


Lightning waved it off, acting modest. Shelley just shrugged.


"Okay."


"So you like it here so far?" Lightning asked, checking his watch. Shelley nodded, shrugging again.


"Yeah, I guess."


"That's great! Well, I need to get going... I'm training for a marathon. But Shelley... I like you. And trust me, I'm here if you ever need some help, man. Whenever you need something, just gimme a call." Lightning said sincerely, glancing at his watch again, then jogging off.


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


Things were going pretty well for me here in the B8. Every day I was meeting more and more friends... Though something tells me that I won't ever care about or see certain ones for a long time. Regardless, it's good to have friends. Whether they're dope pushers and 'penor' touchers, or just a half-person (lol females) and somebody who you had a feeling you wouldn't see again for a long time... And Poot... They all mattered. Because friends... Are what make the world go round.


"I'm sorry, Shelley. We were looking for 'Rotation.' 'Rotation' is what makes the world go round. Next category, Kevin."


Damn you, Trebek!


Episode 4: DoubtsEdit

School was only a few days away, and I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know the teachers, hardly knew any of my fellow classmates, and had never even been inside the building. I could take comfort in knowing, however, that I wasn't the only one having doubts about the upcoming year. ...I'm just not sure how I knew that, exactly.


"Dude, that guy wouldn't touch my penor, but he did give me a high five. Or attempted to, anyway. ...Who is that guy?"


"...Sess. The SEP always gives people high fives."


"No, I meant the guy that just ran in and slapped his hand. Who does that, honestly? I couldn't even ask him to touch my..."


"Shutup."


Fanatic and Sess continued to argue, Blur hardly paying attention. Basch was sacrificing a lamb nearby, catching his attention.


"...What the hell is that for?"


"A lamb's soul is the key to unlocking the path to Hell."


"Satan?"


"Demon sluts."


Blur nodded, accepting the answer. He leaned back in his seat, letting out a rather rebellious sigh.


"Guys... You know what pisses me off about this school year coming up?"


"Not enough wangs?"


"...Demon sluts?"


"Since when did you go to school?"


Blur sighed again, a trumpet startling them all and alerting them that Blur had risen to level 19, his speed, charismatic, and strength stats increasing by 2, and his rebellious stat increasing by a quadrillion.


"No, no... It's the fact that I don't have any doubts about the upcoming year at all." Blur said, frowning.


...Wait, what the hell? I'm supposed to not be the only one with doubts..."


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


real sat, meditating quietly. Finally, he opened his eyes, and STRUCK!


...A pose.


"Young grasshopper. That... is fabulous!" His mentor, Mersh, cried out. Mersh was his mentor because he was his elder, by atleast a whole two minutes. As for what he was his mentor of, well...


"I've been working hard, master."


"That's not the only thing that's hard..."


"...Master?" real asked, raising an eyebrow... Not sure how to act. Mersh quickly shook his head.


"I meant the coming school year. Do you have any doubts, grasshopper?"


"None, sir."


"Good. ...And now something else is hard."


...Uhm... TRANSITION!


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


"Hey, SEP. Know what I don't have doubts about? Me being the richest guy alive!"


"Rich Five!"


"And this coming school year."


"Shelley's the Only One Doubting Five!"


Oh, COME ON!


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


When you're feeling down, the only thing to do is grab some porn and play with the ham in your room. But since Mom didn't like that idea, and Dad agreed with her, and then Mom started whipping him... Which was really quite a treat to watch, because if you've never seen one guy whipping himself while barking out orders, it's quite entertaining, and...


The point is that sometimes when you're feeling down, it's best to talk to those you know you can count on.


Oddly, Lightning wasn't returning my calls. Or anybody else's. So Poot had to do. <i>


"I don't know about school, Poot. It just seems so... Weird. I miss being a Glenair High Butts and Butts and Butt. But being a B8 Troll? It's just... not right."


Poot patted him on the shoulder, offering cheerful words of advice.


"Dude. Trolls totally open alligator mouth Butts and Butts and Butts."


Shelley took this in silently, then finally nodded, looking up with a sparkle in his eye.


"You know what. Poot? You're absolutely right! What am I doing here being so... Blitz like? And I mean emo, not oddly attractive. I may be new, but I'm going to fit in just fine. Hell, I'll do better than fit in... I'll make a name for myself! I'll date the hottest girls, I'll win all the sports games, I'll..."


"...Not actually do those things because other people exist that excell way better at them?"


"Exactly! But in the end... The name Alex Shelley will go down in history. You'll see, Poot. The whole world will. And by world, I mean the school. And by school, I mean our close, tightknit group of friends. And by group of friends, I mean you."


<i>And that... was that. I was ready for school. No, I was more than ready! I was the new guy that thought he had seen it all in life, yet was about to find out that he truly hadn't begun to live at all. I was going to make it just fine.


And if not, I've already scouted out some prime jumping spots. Suicide is always the answer.

Episode 5: <unknown title>Edit

It was my first day of school in the B8, and boy was I ready! I was ready to take it at full speed. Ready to meet new friends and succeed, to only see two classrooms, a gymnasium, and one or two halls of the school... Since clearly that's all that exists. I was ready... for anything.


Or so I thought.


Wait, no. I was.


Or so I thought again!


Then I thought about Quiznos.


Toasty.


"Welcome to another school year here at B8 High!"


Anonimity waited for the sure applause and cheering. ...One kid said "Whoo." That was about it. Taking it in stride, Anonimity cleared his throat.


"There have been a few changes this year. The social order is now topped by a nice blend of jocks and preps, and not just preps like last year with jocks slightly below. We've fired half of the faculty to hire professional models which will blend in as students, serving as objects of lust that 90% of you won't be able to obtain, further boosting the bonuses of being a prep and or jock. The security camers lining the halls only work at the most inopportune times, and teachers have been paid specifically not to care. If I like you, you will pass. If I dislike you, you will fail. And if we're neutral? Well, you'll be gone in a matter of days because you obviously have no outstanding traits to make people care that you exist."


He paused, letting the students soak it in, then threw out his arms.


"So let's make this the greatest year or four ever!"


The students just stared at him, someone coughing, followed by a swift "What the crunk Bed Ellis!?" Anonimity took this as a good sign. They liked him... They had to, or they'd pay. With their lives, which is not at all drastic, so stop thinking it is.


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


Shelley stood, struggling with his locker. It was a law that all lockers must never open for the new guy, thus forcing him to seek out help and making a new friend because of it. Then there was the law of motion, which stated that objects in motion stayed in motion unless acted upon by an outside source.


The two had nothing to do with each other.


Yet even a lousy locker wasn't going to bring Shelley down, for he wasn't going to be defeated. It was his year... His year to make an impact. Hell, he wanted to make the year his *****. And he would've, too, if it wasn't for this meddling kids!


...And/or being shoved into said locker, which stung quite a bit.


"Locker Meets Face Five!...............God dammit!"


Peeling himself from the locker door, Shelley punched it in frustration. Suddenly, somebody caught his eye. Standing a few feet away was a guy. Just... standing alone.


"Hey." Shelley said, making his way over to him. Hiko just stared at him then looked away. "I'm Alex Shelley. I'm new here."


Hiko looked at him, letting out an exasperated sigh.


"Was I not just standing alone five seconds ago?"


"Well, yeah..."


"Keep it that way."


"Why?" Shelley asked, confused.


"...It's what I do, okay?!"


"What, are you some kind of loner?"


"No. I voted for Ralph Nader."


"...So wouldn't that make you a loner?"


"I think I just heard the bell ring."


"No it didn't."


"SHUTUP."


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


Wait. Why would you change the scene right there? There's usually always some kind of resolution or impact before a scene changes.


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


I asked a question!


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


...Oh, **** you guys.


Do do do dooooooooooo.


"Welcome to English, the class where if you speak it, I pass you."


"Sucks to be Jaws Five!"


"...Right. I'm your teacher, OddName. I don't have anything planned today... or ever... So let's just watch some porn and look at pictures of RX7's sister."


Shelley leaned back in his seat, surveying the room. In one corner sat the preps. And the jocks. ...Actually, it was Smurf and The SEP, and everybody just sorta crowded around them to seem cool. In another corner sat some... kids. They were there just to take up seats. In another corner sat the empty seats where Blur and his friends would've been sitting, while in the other corner sat osix, for cultural diversity purposes. And in the final corner... Yes, the room was pentagonal... sat Shelley. And Poot. And some people not previously named.


"What's so great about them, anyway?" Shelley asked, gesturing to the "popular" corner. Poot just stared at him in a "duh" sort of manner.


"Smurf's rich. And The SEP's... uh... there."


"Well, I could be both rich and there, so there!"


"I'm sure you could."


Shelley pounded his fist angrily on the desk.


"I will not let them run this school, no way! We deserve attention too, dammit! Just because our dad isn't a rich, powerful figure or we put 'The' in front of our names... That doesn't make us any less human! I say we stand up to them!"


The others just shook their heads, turning away.


"Moron."


"Shutup, Blitz. You just shutup and let me get lost in your eyes, dammit!"


Suddenly, Criona, a... girl... raised her hand to speak to the group.


"I have an idea, you know."


Shelley just stared.


"You're a girl. And a nerd. That makes you like, one sixth human. There's no hope for you in the slightest."


"...Oh."


Still... Shelley knew they had to come up with an idea. An idea... that would get them on top.


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


The first day of school can always be weird. And oddly short. Hell, I'd say we were out by 9:15, yet somehow the sun is beginning to set. I guess that means I learned a lot today. A little about life, a little about school.


And a little about how nobody cares about nerdy chicks.


Silly one sixth people and their one sixth dreams.

Episode 6: <unknown title>Edit

When you're just a smalltown girl... living in a lo-HONELY WORLD! ...I mean, when you live a smalltime life in a small town, you never expect anything... big... to happen. You see all this stuff on the news happening in other cities around the world and you just think "Yeah, that'll never happen here." But when it does... you're caught so far off guard that your entire life spins out of control.


I knew it was a dream, and yet it all seemed so real. There I was. It seemed like any old day, except...


"This court finds you GUILTY, Mr. Wright!"


"Oh noes! Giant gavel!"


...What the hell? Get out of my dream, noobs. =(


"Shelley? You with us?"


Poot punched him in the shoulder, jolting Shelley back to attention.


"I believe that what you are requesting is Dippin' Dots."


"Alex..."


"The tasty treat in which you question is Dippin' Dots."


"Cut it out!"


"That of which you speak of is most certainly Dippin' Do--..."


BANG!


That was when the chaos began. The following events were a blur... but the following events also took place between 8:00am and 8:01am.


"What the hell was that?! Poot? Poot?!"


Shelley looked around, distorted by the ringing in his ears from the loud noise. Students were running left and right, and he noticed that he had become seperated by his friend in the panic.


The following takes place between 8:01am and 8:01:30am.


"What the hell are you doing, Shelley? Don't just stand there!" Smurf gave Shelley a shove, money flying from the action.


"Get Down Five!"


BANG!


The following takes place between 8:01:30am and 8:02am.


"Dude, you're bleeding!"


"Sucks to be you, conformist! Bleeding... huh! Everybody does that these days!"


"Yeah! And they touch penors, too!"


The following takes place between 7:59am and 8:00am.


"I believe that what you are requesting is Dippin' Dots."


The following takes place between 8:02am and 8:03am.


"YOU! FREEZE, DAMMIT! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!"


"I'm just a ki-..."


"I said FREEZE!"


The following takes place approximately two days later.


...Isn't that an awful big leap?


I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! If you don't cooperate, millions of people will DIE! Now do the song, dammit! DO THE SONG!


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


We were all gathered in the auditorium two days after the... event. Principal Anonimity paced the floor, looking apprehensive. We all knew what he was going to say... we had all been there. Word had spread like wildfire. Rumors of the school being closed, this "Jeck Bowler" guy running around yelling at us and not having enough time for this... It was all crazy. Finally, the Principal stepped forward, clearing his throat.


"Students... faculty... I'm sure you know why we're all here. Two days ago... two of our very own B8 High Trolls were shot... on these very school grounds. And while I'm sure not a whole lot of us will miss jp or Vlado... we must atleast pretend to hold a time of mourning. But more importantly... I've been in contact with agent Jeck Bowler here, and he is certain that the shooter is in this very room right now. The doors have been barred, security has been posted, and no one will leave without being questioned! So please, form a line."


We all did just that. One by one we were called into his office, and one by one we were questioned. I was first, oddly. When they asked for my account... I told them exactly what had happened. About the Dippin' Dots, about the initial bang and the panic, even about being tackled out of the way by Smurf and The SEP. They just listened and nodded, letting me return to the auditorium and calling in the next student.


"Why would I do it? Sure, I'm the rich bastard that is most likely to one day want to rule this school... but screw the rules, I have money!"


---


"Shooting is such a conforming way of murder. I'm too much of a rebel to care, anyway."


---


"Like, why would I shoot like, one of the people that like, totally admire me and wish they could be as like, popular as me? Like, hello?"


---


"Pushed Dweebinator Out of the Way and Thus Have an Alibi Five!"


---


"...I'm straight, dammit, and I can prove it! Wait, what?"


---


"I'm just an extra."


---


"I believe what you're requesting information about is Dippin' Dots."


"...Why did you come back?"


"Oh. Sorry."


---


Finally, after they had been through the entire student body, Anonimity and Jeck came in front of us once again.


"Well, after hearing what everybody has to say, we came up with nothing. But then we remembered that this school has security cameras."


"But I didn't have time for this!"


"...But I did."


"And if he hadn't, MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WOULD HAVE DIED, DAMMIT!"


"Anyway, the tape was quite clear. Police are on their way, as the culprit IS indeed in this very room! The guilty party is none other than..."


Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooo. Do do do dooooooooooo.


Wait, what?!


WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! THE PRESIDENT ORDERED A SEASON FINALE! YOU'LL FIND OUT NEXT TIME, DAMMIT!

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